The Knot...

Did you ever open your jewelry box and retrieve a necklace only to find the chain is in knots? If you carefully put your necklace in the drawer, how in the world does the chain get into a knot? Do little gremlins come in the night and dance over its links? Are there subtle shifts in the room, a bump here and there, an unexpected move? I noticed that I have a knot...

I don't really know when it came to be, but I feel it slowly unwinding itself. No, I'm not talking about a knot in a necklace, I'm talking about a knot in me...

Retirement offers certain perks... Reflection, a leisurely cup of coffee in the morning, relaxation. But it's that last word, relaxation, that is the real new one for me because this relaxation doesn't come with any strings attached... no deadlines, no 4 weeks of vacation a year calendar, no time clock waiting for me to punch back in. It's an opportunity to really unwind...

Retirement is pretty new to me, especially since this is only day 2, but I've already started to relax a little. And just because of that little bit of letting go, that little bit of ahhhh, I felt... "the knot".

I wasn't sure at first what it was in the pit of my stomach. Did I eat some bad Mahi-Mahi? Did I have too much wine at dinner last night (yes, I did make the dinner with friends last night... see yesterday's post)? Or maybe something else is going on... yes, something else is going on... I have a knot. It's this thing in the pit of my stomach that was born from all the little hiccups in life.  All the worries and anticipations, the what if's that never came to pass, the little mistakes (and the big ones too) and all the chain of events that brought me to this day. It's a knot made of all those things wrapped up tight to ward off evil spirits, maybe a zombie or two, to protect me from... life.

But I want to experience life now. I'm retired. There are certain perks. I appreciate (I think) all the knot has done for me. Probably not all its fault, just trying to protect me. But now it's time to unravel that knot...

I'm having that second leisurely cup of coffee now and starting to put that knot behind me...